Mastering Life-Work Boundaries as a Working Parent

For working parents and business owners, achieving work-life balance is a constant struggle. The demands of our careers often clash with the needs of our families, leaving us feeling stretched thin and resentful. In a recent episode of our new “Transitioning Well Presents” podcast, Samantha Kourtis, Jeremy Macvean, and Bri Hayllar unpack what good boundary management in the workplace looks like. 

The Cost of Neglecting Boundaries

Samantha Kourtis, Managing Partner & Pharmacist at Capital Chemist and 2014 Telstra Business Woman of the Year, shares a powerful personal story. During the pandemic, her dedication to work – keeping her staff afloat and serving the community – caused her to miss what was going on at home. This resulted in her daughter becoming seriously ill, a wake-up call that forced her to take six months off work to prioritise her family. Samantha emphasises that neglecting boundaries can have devastating consequences, highlighting the importance of self-care for working parents. 

“I learnt the hard way, that if you don’t have boundaries as a business owner, then you are the back-up plan for every problem. Your life will go by without you,” Samantha Kourtis.  

Listen to the podcast in full

Boundaries: The Pillars of Life-Work Balance

Bri Hayllar, Senior Consultant Psychologist at Transitioning Well, explains that boundaries are essential for protecting our time, energy, and attention. These boundaries allow us to focus on the things that matter most, preventing us from being pulled in too many directions. Jeremy Macvean, founder of The Father Hood, emphasises the importance of fluidity in managing boundaries. He suggests viewing parenting as a job with specific priorities. Just as you wouldn’t miss a crucial work meeting, you shouldn’t miss important moments in your children’s lives.

“I think about parenting as a job. I used to coach my daughter’s netball team at 4pm on Mondays. I would think about that as a meeting on a Monday night that I couldn’t miss, and block that time in my diary. Use the meeting framework or whichever tool you use to organise your life to as a way to help manage boundaries,” advises Jeremy Macvean.  

Setting Boundaries as a Team Effort

You can’t do it all, and it’s important to view life and parenting as a collaboration. Jeremy suggests calling in reinforcements, like a partner or childcare provider, to help manage competing priorities. Samantha also emphasises the value of involving children in the process. Asking them about what’s important to them allows you to align your boundaries with their needs.  

“It was important to my kids for me to attend assemblies when they were little, but as they get older they don’t necessarily want me around taking photos or at their games screaming from the sidelines,” Samantha acknowledges. 

Intentionality: The Key to Sustainable Boundaries

Our time and energy are finite resources, and setting boundaries involves allocating them strategically. Just like a budget, we need to decide where to invest our energy to create a fulfilling life. This may require saying no to some things, even if it means sacrificing a bit of praise or recognition. The upshot is that prioritising your boundaries ultimately leads to a more balanced and enriching life.

“We’ve got a certain amount of time and energy in a day and no matter the amount of roles we take on as a parent, or as a business owner, we still only have the same number of minutes every day and the same amount of energy. Finding where you want to put your boundaries comes down to where do you want to put your budget,” says Bri Hayllar. 

Setting boundaries can be uncomfortable. We may fear missing out on opportunities or disappointing others. Bri acknowledges this discomfort but emphasises the importance of being courageous and accepting the consequences. Samantha adds that clear communication with your employer and employees is crucial to manage guilt and ensure everyone understands and respects your boundaries.

Leading by Example: The Role of Communication

Effective boundary setting requires clear communication. Leaders, especially, need to be explicit about allowing flexibility and respecting employee boundaries. By modelling healthy boundary behaviour, they empower their teams to do the same.

Bri covers the various types of boundaries, including time boundaries (e.g., not working late every night), task boundaries (e.g., not taking on additional tasks), and physical boundaries (e.g., establishing a dedicated workspace). Effective communication is key to establishing these boundaries and ensuring everyone is on the same page. This includes clearly communicating your boundaries to who they apply to, and who will hold you accountable for maintaining them.

“The key thing is to think about your boundaries, put them in place and then communicate them. Communicate them to whoever might break them. And more importantly, communicate them to whoever is going to hold us account when we break them ourselves,” Bri Hayllar.  

Boundaries aren’t static. Life circumstances change, and our priorities may need to be adjusted over time. 

“Check back in periodically. Do I still want those fences in those places? Are they just gradually getting knocked down without me noticing? Who is doing the knocking down is it other people or is it me?” Bri Hayllar. 

Visit the Parent Well for more resources to support the transition from ‘working person’ to ‘working parent’. And for more episodes of Transitioning Well Presents visit https://www.theparentwell.com.au/podcast/